Farkle thoughts
by Hugs6
Summary: A intense look into the brain of Farkle Minkus. Went a bit deeper than I thought it would, but hey, why not? Don't read if you want to love Stuart Minkus, but a lot of BMW and GMW fans don't so... read on!
1. Chapter 1

**I'm a girl meets world fan. I'm not really look at every detail obsessed, but I was thinking about Farkle. Well... Here:**

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Farkle sat at the kitchen table doing homework. He always sat at the kitchen homework. He always checked and re-checked easy math problems until his dad came home just so the first thing his dad would do when he got home was talk to him. He loved his dad and never doubted that his dad loved him back, but sometimes he felt a bit unsure about things. Wouldn't you be uneasy if you knew your dad loved someone more than he would ever love your mom? Someone who was actually the mother of your best friend? He hated the thought that his dad was still hung up on Riley's mom, and sometimes he feared that his dad would never be able to love him that much because he wasn't the son of the woman his dad had wanted. It was exhausting to think about.

"Hello Farkle." His dad said, strolling into the kitchen, wearing his fancy suit and a smug smile. He wore that smug smile a lot. That, "I have everything I want why would you think otherwise?" smile. The smile was a liar. His father wanted more. He wanted Topanga and it was a sick obsession. An obsession that made it hard for Farkle to sleep at night. One that made things tense between his mom and dad. One that made Farkle want to scream, scream things like, "JUST GET OVER HER DAD." Or, "THIS WHOLE THING IS INSANITY WHY DO YOU EVEN PRETEND TO LOVE EACH OTHER?" He honestly believed that his mom actually loved his dad, and that his dad just pretended to love her back because nothing else would love him. But Farkle loved his dad. He looked up to and admired him and it was painful to know that his dad was... A fraud. A fake. Sort of an actor, like Maya's mom. Putting on a show for everyone. Pretending he was happy, pretending that his job and his money and his family made him happy. But he wasn't happy. Farkle could tell that his father wasn't happy. He pretended to pull Farkle close but every sign pointed to his dad really wanting to push him away. It was terrifying. He wanted his dad to care about him and his mom more than anything else in the world. But the way he'd looked at Topanga on career day. Compared to the way he looked at his wife, treating her as if she was a boring toy that he'd outgrown long ago. Putting her on display for whoever was interested but not really taking an interest in her at all. No, no that's wrong. He didn't just put his wife on display, he put his wife and son on display. Showing off, showing, look how amazing my family is, is your family this amazing? No. I doubt that it is. Go cry in the corner, completely ashamed.

But Farkle never felt that his dad was proud of him except when his dad was acting, playing the part of a proud father. And that was empty, meaningless. Fake. And Farkle bought it. Time and time and again he hoped that his father was actually proud of him but no. No he never was. It was agonizing.

"How's homework coming along?" His dad asked casually.

"I'm done." Farkle said. And his dad took it to mean that he was done with that day's assignments, which he was. But Farkle meant more. He'd seen how much Mr. Matthews actually cared about Riley. And his teacher cared also about Maya and Lucas and even him. Mr. Matthews cared more about Farkle than his own dad did. And seeing that, that kind of caring and unconditional love and all of that, that made him fed up with the act his dad put on. So he wad done with being lied too, done with being put on display, and done with letting his dad's false pride matter to him.

Farkle stood up, exited the kitchen, and went in to his mom's room, where they talked about life and homework and his dad and everything. Because Farkle loved his mom. And she actually cared about him. And she would support him being done, even if she wasn't able to completely get over Stuart Minkus' obvious fakeness.

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**Wow that was intense. **


	2. Chapter 2

**So two people wanted a second chapter and so here goes nothing. I'm actually a bit scared that I won't be able to live up to the first one but I have an idea so I'm just going to write. This is set the day after Farkle decides he's done.**

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He woke up in the morning, 6:30 same time as always. He might swing by and walk to school with Maya and Riley. Maybe not. He didn't feel like it. He loved his friends, so so much, but... He didn't feel like it this morning. He was still thinking. Still thinking about his decision to be done with his father's falsehood. He wished he could come right out and say it, say, "Dad I'm done with you. I can't take it anymore you don't treat me like you're supposed to treat your kid and I know you're not even trying, so I'm done." but he couldn't say it. So he ate breakfast with the man who could make him feel sky high or rock bottom. His dad rushed off to work and Farkle slowly, thoughtfully made his way to school.

He got there early. Earlier than he ever got there. He went to Mr. Matthew's class and sat at his desk and rested his head on the table, thinking, wondering, trembling. He couldn't hide it, he was scared. He'd been so sure about being done with his dad when it had occurred to him. And he was done, he hated being on display, but there was nothing he could do. He couldn't tell him, and he couldn't directly show him, and... He didn't have secrets with his friends, with his **BEST FRIENDS**, he didn't keep secrets from Maya or Riley or even Lucas. He just didn't do that. They meant the world to them. He wanted them always to know what was going so they would never have a reason not to trust him. And yet he didn't want them to know about his dad. He was worried what they'd think, if they'd judge his dad or worry about him or try to cheer him up or what. And he didn't want anything to change. He wanted to keep everything between him and his mom, but mostly him, because his mom was acting like they hadn't talked the night before. That was perfectly fine with Farkle, he didn't want his dad finding out. He knew his dad would be even more disappointed in him, and while he SO wanted to not care about that, he really sort of did. And he hated that he did.

Maya and Riley came in laughing and talking, also early, and saw Farkle.

"Hey Farkle!" Riley said brightly.

"Hey." Farkle said, studying the chalk board intently.

"Something wrong?" Riley asked. Maya was silent, she was playing with her hoodie strings, understanding how awkward this situation was and not wanting to butt in.

"No, I'm good I just didn't get a lot of sleep." He answered half honestly.

"Oh, okay. So how'd you do on the math homework?"

"I think I did pretty good..." Farkle was relieved that the topic had switched to something else but he was also oddly upset that he hadn't told Maya and Riley what was bothering him. He felt empty inside and the fact that he'd lied to a friend was really hurting. Things only got worse when class began and he actually fell asleep. He'd only dozed off in class once or twice and never on accident. Mr. Matthews was suddenly there standing over him, trying to see how many post it notes he could stick on him. Farkle couldn't twenty six. Riley later told him there were thirteen stuck on the back of his shirt. Farkle was humiliated, but was also troubled. He'd gotten so little sleep the night before he'd fallen in sleep in class, which was troubling itself, but the fact that he was still angry at himself for lying to his friends. So when Lucas asked him, dutifully pulling off a post it note Farkle couldn't reach, if he was okay, Farkle almost snapped. It was lunch and he was frustrated and all three of his friends were just looking at him like, "Well?" So he just buried his head in his arms and he muttered ever so quietly,

"No." He didn't look up. He didn't want to see his friends faces. He didn't want to know they were worried about him or that Riley was upset at him for lying to him earlier. He didn't want to see that. If he looked up though, he knew he would. A mix of worry and upset, that would probably mask his own face when he was alone and sad. So he didn't look up. Not for a long moment.

"What's wrong then?" Lucas asked gently, as if he were talking to a child, which is how Farkle felt. Farkle sighed, bringing himself to look up.

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**CLIFFHANGER. Not really...**


	3. Chapter 3

**In a week GMW has a Farkle oriented episode called Girl meets flaws. It should be fantastic!**

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Riley's eyes looked sad. She looked concerned, what Farkle hadn't wanted. Maya frowned, looking at him like, you said you were fine.

Farkle told them everything. Lucas put his hand on his shoulder comfortingly. Riley was biting her lip as if she was trying to figure things out, because Riley always wanted to figure things out and make them work, make them fit. Farkle knew things wouldn't fit though. Not now. Maybe not ever, if things were going the way they were now. Maya took a deep breath.

"I understand." She said.

"I understand about bad parents trust me I do. About a father not being a good father. Even when you think no one else understands remember that I do. Its hard to share. But we have good friends Farkle. Its going to be okay. We have good friends." Maya looked him straight in the eye. Farkle sighed and smiled at his friends. The burden on his chest felt a little lighter now that his friends knew about his struggle, but it was still tough to think about. His heart ached a little, thinking about all the years where he'd pretended to be okay with the way his father acted. But Maya understood and even if Lucas and Riley might not completely understand, they'd both be there for him. Lucas' firm hand on his shoulder was keeping him from collapsing into a sobbing knew Riley would try to fix everything and her trying was enough to make him smile. He did have good friends.

"Yeah." Farkle said, with a small nod.

"So what do I do now?"

"Two more classes before the days over and then its the weekend. You can stay at my house over the weekend, I know my mom will let you, she thinks you're a genius, so you don't have to confront your dad or even think about it until you're ready to." Lucas said.

"And we can all hang out after school." Riley added, smiling at him. Farkle smiled back. He was happy that his friends were sticking up for him. He didn't understand why he'd wanted to keep his pain a secret. He would have only kept it bottled up and it would only have hurt him more. His friends knew how to help him. It was no use to keep secrets from them.

"You guys are amazing. I don't know how I'd even get through anything without you."

"Hey, you've helped us. Friends have each others backs." Riley said. Maya seemed to be thinking deeply. She then grinned.

"Hey Farkle, if you ever one to teach your dad a lesson... I know some pretty effective pranks..."

"No no no no no no." Riley intervened,

"You are not getting in trouble _AGAIN_." Farkle looked back and forth between his two best friends, put his head on the table for the second time that day, and this time, laughed. He laughed and laughed. Lucas laughed. Maya laughed. Riley laughed.

One of the teachers had to remind them to get to class, they were so caught up in their laughter fit. Farkle was happy. He was HAPPY. After a decision like practically giving up on your dad he hadn't thought he'd be happy like that for awhile. But he'd done something he tried never to do. He'd underestimated his friends. He had amazing friends, friends with the power to change not only his perspective on the world, but the entire world. His world at least. A world that had been so caught up in pleasing Stuart Minkus, it forgot to leave time for Farkle to be happy. Forgot to leave time for him to laugh with his friends, or spend the weekend with Lucas because he was so worried about his grades being pleasing to his dad or some tiny detail that only someone as arrogant as Stuart Minkus would care about. He was trying so hard to act perfect for his dad he didn't give a second's thought to what would make him happy. He never tried to be happy, it was always an accident. But now he didn't care about his dad's opinion anymore.

Now he could try to be happy. Now he could laugh with his friends.

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**Just a guest wants a confrontational chapter between Farkle and his dad and I want to write it. After a weekend at lucas's house (the next chapter) I'll think about writing that confrontation. Its seems so exciting! Feel free to suggest!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Girl meets flaws was really good. Also, I tweeted the writers and they said Minkus is a good father also Farkle has siblings. Should I continue this? Please give your input.**

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Farkle hurried home to get a some things for the weekend and had his mom drive him to Lucas' house before his dad could get home. He knew he'd have to confront his dad eventually but he really didn't want to. He was sort of scared.

Lucas was waiting for him when he got there, Lucas led him inside, a big grin on his face.

"Hey mom, you remember my best friend Farkle right?" Farkle smiled too. Lucas really was his best friend.

"Yes of course, so glad you're spending the weekend with us." She smiled politely back. They went to Lucas's room and worked on their homework, joking and working together, a lot more fun than doing it alone nervously awaiting your father coming home. He figured he wouldn't do that anymore. No more waiting for his father's approval, he didn't really want it. He'd rather spend time with his friends than waste his life waiting for something he didn't really need.

When it came time for supper they had pizza and Farkle Lucas and his mom actually talked. At supper at home they didn't really say anything, it was an awkward silence that was nearly impossible to break. Farkle sighed a little to himself and ate a piece of pizza.

"Are you okay?" Lucas's mom asked, surprising Farkle. No one asked him that at home.

"Yeah, thanks for asking." He smiled at her and joined the conversation. It was a lot of fun. Lucas and Farkle stayed up all night laughing and joking and prank calling Riley and Maya. Farkle couldn't remember having this much fun in a really long time and he was glad he'd agreed to spend the night. They played board games and watched movies and Farkle forgot all about his problems, he just enjoyed spending time with his best friend. Nothing was better than this.

They barely got any sleep and were sprawled out next to each other on Lucas's bedroom floor conked out when his mom knocked on the door and told them that their were pancakes awaiting for them. They were exhausted but enthusiastically ate the pancakes. They got to watch one more movie before Farkle's mom came and picked him up, and suddenly the problems he'd so willingly forgotten about earlier came rushing back. A knot appeared in his stomach, and he began to fear going home.

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**Sorry its short. Now that you know what the writer's officially said, should I keep the story going?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Results are in! Will proceed to ignore the writers! Yay!**

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His dad was just sitting there, watching tv. Watching Red Planet Diaries actually, a stupid show that Maya and Riley were obsessed with, and so was Minkus. Farkle walked quickly through the living room keeping his head down and not looking at his dad.

"Hello Farkle." Minkus said without looking from the tv. Farkle often wondered if his father was psychic, he had several siblings yet without a glance he always seemed to know when it was him creeping through the living room. Maybe he could smell fear or something.

"Um hi dad." He said quickly before hurrying upstairs to his room. He unpacked quickly and lay on his bed wondering what he was going to do. He couldn't live in fear and resentment of his father for ever. He wasn't a good dad really but Farkle couldn't just ignore him forever. He wanted to be able to stand up for himself but he'd never been good at that. He wasn't passionate about himself. He was passionate about ruling the world and Maya and Riley but he had never been passionate about himself. Sometimes he hated himself. He pretended that he was confident and that he felt that he could rule the world some day, he could act decently enough despite what the drama club said. But how could he call himself confident and plan on ruling the planet some day if he couldn't even face his own father? He spent the night texting Riley and Maya and asking if he was invited to the next family game night. Family game night had been exciting and the Matthews really made him feel like family, even more than his own family did. His siblings usually ignored him, they had their own agendas and lives. His father treated him as if he was a trophy only to be brought out on special occasions. He was never treated as a person but merely an object. His mom? She was always too sad and hopeful to really pay attention to him, and he wasn't bold enough to worm his way into their minds and make them treat him the way he maybe deserved.

But he didn't really deserve it. He wasn't exciting enough to deserve attention. He dressed strangely talked the way he did to try to get a little attention to them but it never worked. If he got the girl like his Father hadn't maybe then he'd get some attention. If he won class election or became dictator maybe he'd get some attention. If he got good grades every time and never let them slip maybe he'd get attention. Why was he so desperate for it when he'd said he'd moved on? Why wasn't enough he had the best friends in the world? Why wasn't it enough that he was smart and had a good life ahead of him? He wanted those things to be enough but every day subconsciously he tried to do better so he would get that attention that he always convinced himself he didn't deserve.

Farkle had a thought. And he sighed and lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling. He decided to try it out. Say it out loud to see if it sounded true.

"Maybe he doesn't pay attention to me because I'm always running away from him. Because I got hurt once and I'm scared to let that happen again, so I'm hurting myself for him by running away. Maybe he just doesn't know how to come after me and try to talk to me. Maybe I have to go to him." It sounded true.

Or maybe he was just being hopeful.

Either way, he was too scared to act on it, at least not now. So he went back to studying, pushing himself so he would get good grades and his father would be proud at least for a second.

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**I'm back! And so is Farkle's endless chasm of hurt and self doubt! Yayyy wait poor Farkle.**


	6. Chapter 6

Pathetic.

It was all pathetic.

Having to be right.

Comparing himself to Lucas.

His father's crazy obsession with Topanga.

It would never work out so why even try?! He would never always be right, he'd already been proven wrong once this new school year. And then there was Lucas. HE would never be as cool or as popular or as perfect as Lucas. He would never get the girl like Lucas. He would always only be Farkle Minkus who kissed Maya's hand never Farkle Minkus happily married to Maya and/or Riley. How could he even want to be married to Riley when according to his father Riley's mom should be his mom. He shuddered. He was sick of his father being like that.

"I'm not going to end up with Riley or Maya. I'll always be there for them though I promise I will be... I just need to not be jealous of whoever ends up with them." He tended to say things like that when he felt pathetic.

"They're some of my best friends... Being friends with them should come first, because all you'll ever be is just friends."

But What about Lucas. What about comparing him to Lucas? Worse, comparing himself to Lucas' friend Zay. Ugh comparing himself to Zay. That got even more pathetic. As a general rule Zay seemed to not especially like Farkle. Farkle didn't really like Zay either.

Apparently Lucas had been Zay's best friend. Now Lucas was Farkle's best friend. Although at times like this when he felt pathetic he had a hard time believing that. It cheered him up to think that Zay was a bit pathetic too, with his big mouth and his stupid name. Yes, Farkle is a stupid name. But he'd been born with that name. Zay had been born with a normal name and chose to go by Zay. Which is kind of just stupid. He sighed.

Pathetic.

Farkle felt pathetic.

But then he usually did.

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**New story called sick days about Zay**


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